I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
not ubering you a puppy
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
