i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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