I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
