how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
