When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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