Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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