...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
