its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
