I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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