just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
