Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
