Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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