Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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