Say something about gay babies.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
