Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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