yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
