I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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