So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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