girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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