This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
