My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
