Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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