New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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