It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
