It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
