Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
