As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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