Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
