I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
