Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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