Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
