I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
