Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
