Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
