That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
