You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
