I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
