I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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