4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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