When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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