2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
