i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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