hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
