took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
