I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
