this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
