Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
