I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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