hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
