I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
